Here are twenty things you should know about Rachel, the person who wrote the words you are now reading.
1. I am a short story writer. I'm 5'3 on a good day.
2. I am a heavy drinker, but not as heavy as I used to be, as I lost 50 pounds at one point.
3. My best friends are Karlena Janelle Riggs, who is a real person, and Pinto James Bean, who is a dog.
4. I mis-typed "dog" as "god" in number 3 and that might be accurate, as Pinto is the best entity in existence and should you choose to read this blog, he will be oft-mentioned.
5. This blog is a lie. A nice one, but still a lie. There are the things you write to yourself - on your arm, a reminder to buy milk, to listen to more Radiohead, to update this or that - and the things you write to yourself - in a journal, secretly, in the quiet of night. I don't do much of the latter anymore and sometimes I think I should and I shouldn't rekindle that old habit. There are also the things you write in letters, to specific people, things you tell them and no one else, and there are the quips you post on Twitter (@pintojamesbean) or facebook, and there are the things you know but never tell. And a blog? Blog is an awful word, firstly. Secondly, it's an outward, shined up glorious presentation of your life that might not be authentic.
6. That being said; every day is an adventure.
7. I love dogs.
8. I am 25 years old, living at home in Oklahoma, currently in my room where I've strung up my damp panties on a makeshift clothesline because our dryer is broken.
9. If you read "damp panties" in a dirty way I forgive you.
10. I hope to give you a new fresh jam with each post, because I used to work in college radio and it was wondrous, and then I worked in real radio and it wasn't so much. Right now it's Florence and the Machine's "Shake It Out," and you should read these words like a poem with very dramatic breaks: "I am done with my graceless heart/so tonight I'm going to cut it out and let it restart...so here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope/and I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope/it's a shot in the dark/and right at my throat." You wish you wrote that, and so do I.
11. I currently work at a liquor store, so part of my job is drinking. Really. It is.
12. I got published once or twice.
13. I'm not entirely sure if getting published was the best or worst thing that ever happened to me.
14. A lot of things have happened to me, and almost all of them were all right.
15. I hilarify myself on a daily basis and once was described as such.
16. I went to a very fancy college and therefore have a lot of fancy debt but it's not so bad.
17. I have recently lost the ability to worry.
18. I really love dogs.
19. I also love words, and the postal system, and internet connectivity, and rainy days, and my boyfriend, and my hair.
20. I hope you enjoy this blog (whenever I say "blog" I just think about vomiting because that's kind of the noise you make) and I hope I do too.
America!
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